’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

      Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:

All mimsy were the borogoves,

      And the mome raths outgrabe.

 

Wow! So, you learned to read, congratulations (not), you can take your diploma, scan it, convert it to a JPG and upload it to whogivesaratsass.net. I’ve never read a book in my life and I’m healthy as an ox with the mind of a 200-year-old turtle.

It’s hard to balance the level of pride I feel in your academic accomplishments with how incredibly funny it is to think of you as an ivy-league graduate. You are in the top 1% of the top 1% of college graduates on planet earth and that ain’t right. People have killed to get into this school, dictators, corrupt warlords, and titans of industry have paid big bucks to get their offspring into this mecca of education, and then there’s you, chillin in the library, rippin cigs, and talking trash about the teachers, all while on a heroic dose of financial aid. People are leaving this school hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt and you are leaving with zero debt, clear skin, and fully hydrated.

I remember the night you told me you got in, how unexpected it was and how the opportunity was so ridiculous you essentially had no choice but to accept. Truly, how many people apply to Berkeley as a goof, somehow get accepted with a full-ride and then begrudgingly decide to actually go. They say the best leaders, kings, presidents etc. are the ones who didn’t want the job. In that same sense the only people that should be allowed into the best colleges should be people who could care less, people who would be fine either way, people who fundamentally do not respect the institution and ironically actually appreciate the opportunity.

Now your loose, free to live whatever life you want, armed with an advanced degree and a mind full of literary knowledge, not just an academic weapon, but an ‘academic wizard’. Who knows what you’ll do or the places you’ll go, I certainly don’t give a shit but never the less.

Four years of stress, hard work, and focus has come to an end and you have prevailed. An impeccable achievement both spiritually and physically. Its time to wake up, wake up from this waking life and regain a sense of control. You can do anything or nothing, its literally up to you. So incredibly proud of you and always will be, I’ll always support your choices - unless they’re stupid obviously. Looking forward to what the future may bring, the pursuit of wisdom never ends and I see a lot of happiness, creativity, relaxation, and mystery in the days ahead.

Mad respect and peace be with ye,                

 

                                                                                                                                                    - Myles J